coming to US was my decision that mom n dad supported unconditionally... they didnt have to but they trusted me to go ahead n get wat i thought i was looking for.. mom tried to warn me and she was practically rite.. but i knew y i was coming here.. didnt know how i'd adapt to it but knew tht i had to once.. break thru a shell n come here so tht i cud meet me for once... n honestly, i havent yet .. met me.. i m still not here. i thought i'd be with me here but no.. here, i m with a lot of the perceptions of me, a lot of expectations of me, lot more than wat i had come across back home. i dont have to be with these ppl but i do bcz i tell myself i m in a society. i dont wanna say 'yes' to several things i say yes to. i dont wanna be with certain ppl i be with. i dont wanna be stuck up with some things or ppl i m stuck up to. n i know i can break thru, but two things stop me. the fear of uncertainty n secondly, n more importantly, the fear of hurting someone i dont want to. its just one step to be free but then i dont know wat i'd be left with.
sometimes i hate these idiotic motivating sayings tht are supposed to inspire u to do stuff. bcz though they sound all right and apt, they turn u towards doing wat is "ideal and expected" insstead of wat is from ur heart n soul. we dont listen to our heart n soul ever under the excuse of surviving in the society.. i have a wild side to myself tht i constantly suppress bcz i worry wat the ppl around me r going to think or say abt me.
i came here to live life on my terms.. yeah rite.. i m doing the rite opposite.. n u bet, we all will all our lives for some stupid opinions tht might transiently bother us or not.
i love sitting in my library.. i m on my own here n wat ever i do here is nobody's business. nobody's poking nose drops in!!
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